Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
