weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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