And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize