i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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