you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
