fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think I won the penis lottery.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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