i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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