Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
