For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
