why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
