Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
