Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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