Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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