yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
