farters have to be the big spoon...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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