i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
