And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
