That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
