He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
