i just wanna soil my oats bro
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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