fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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