cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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