I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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