Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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