you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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