She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
