my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
