Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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