i permit you to call me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
