Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she peed on how many people?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
