Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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