I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
