How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he thought i was a dude.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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