I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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