I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
