Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
