well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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