remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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