I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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You can't just leave with hair like that
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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