did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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