There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
