'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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