Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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