I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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