Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
