Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
