I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
