i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
