Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
