whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
