last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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