So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
