thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
