someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
