Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
