I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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