at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Panties = found
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
