mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
