you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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