Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
