Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
