I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
