Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
