So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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