Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
