every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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