it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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