i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
