I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
