please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
