No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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