Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Green mimosas i think yes
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
